[IC] INBOX @ havenrpg

[runsaway]

❝ It's Sam. Leave me a message. ❞

Comments

[runsaway]

Oh good, that's a lot better.

[ Unless, of course, your most vulnerable parts are pretty dang close to be knee. But he's confident she's joking. Mostly. ]

You don't need to be.

[ He's perfectly content to stay like this.

Well, a bit. Sam shifts, finally rolling off of her to take a spot on the arguably too small bunk beside her. They barely fit Sam, let alone two people. ]

[dust_of_life]

You underestimate my neurotic need to be the best at everything.

[A joke. Sort of. Maybe a pseudo-joke.

With a deep breath, she rolls over onto her stomach, reaching behind her back to unhook her bra. It falls open, exposing the plane of her back to Sam. There are a few red marks from where it was digging into her skin, but other than that, she has a lovely back, tattoo and all.

She turns her face to him.]

I meant what I said before.

[runsaway]

[ The urge to reach out and run his hand along her back is only beaten by her attention turned on him again. Sam frowns slightly, his lips in a slight "o" for a moment. ]

What makes you think you're not already?

[dust_of_life]

[Both eyebrows lift a bit, although she doesn't move otherwise.]

Not already what?

[runsaway]

[ There's a pause. ]

Maybe we're thinking about different things. What did you say before?

[dust_of_life]

[She laughs softly.]

Lots a things. Most recently something along the lines of...

[Playfully, she offers him a few sex moans, eyes narrowed and gleaming.]

Which, for the record, I also meant.

[runsaway]

[ Well, she definitely has his attention again. Sam shifts onto his side, sharing the grin before he goes to nip at her collarbone. ]

Good.

[dust_of_life]

Mmm.

[She raises herself up a little to give him better access, her shoulder blades rising on her back.]

But I meant before that. During the part that involved less moaning and more arguing.

[runsaway]

[ Sam Winchester is nothing if not a good listener. He remembers their conversation, the parts he wishes be wouldn't need to included. His nips turn into gentler kisses that he strings along her shoulder. He pushed her hair to the side as he works his way to the side and back of her neck. ]

Remind me.

[ Which part? ]

[dust_of_life]

[A shiver of delight runs up her spine. She can't explain what it is she feels when Sam's skin touches hers. Exciting. That's the only word she can come up with.

The little moan is involuntary this time.]

The part where...

[Sam Winchester is distracting. That's what he is.]

The part where I said that I wanted to do right by you.

[runsaway]

[ He pauses at the back of her neck, his hand smoothing along her shoulder blades before traveling lower. ]

Oh, that's what I thought. [ He places a kiss at the bottom of her hairline. ] Then my question still stands; what makes you think you aren't?

[dust_of_life]

[She closes her eyes. His caress makes it a little easier for Fatima to do something she absolutely can't stand doing:

Admitting she screwed up.]

I lied to cover for your brother.

[...being an ass. But it doesn't feel right to say that in bed.]

[runsaway]

[ Sam sighs against her skin, rubbing small circles along her lower back. ]

Yeah, I noticed.

[ But she'd already come clean, hadn't she? Was there something else? ]

Or...are you talking about something else?

[dust_of_life]

No.

[He was there the time Dean tried to light her on fire. And she's pretty sure she told him about the time Dean tried to shoot her too.

Did she mention the time Dean threatened her with Roddy's life? She can't remember, but it doesn't seem worth mentioning now. Roddy's not here.

She's quiet for a moment, enjoying his weight on her back.]

I was afraid to put you in some kind of position where you'd have to choose between us.

[runsaway]

[ He's relieved to hear there isn't another incident he should be aware of, but he still pauses at the second part. Choose between them?

It'd been easier when Dean had just dragged Sam out if school. He'd had a life away from hunting, then. He'd had a future, he'd had Jess. Did he miss his brother then? Oh yes. But he'd more or less become resigned to his decisions and their consequences. He have up family to pave his own path. Hell, even after Jessica's death there had been a time when he thought he'd go back to school once they got the demon who did it all. Now he knows it's not that simple.

Would he have to choose? Isn't that what Dean has been trying to get him to do?

Can he live without his brother again? Even this cynical, volatile, terribly bent and broken version?

Sam exhales and wraps his arm around her instead. ]

That's not going to happen.

[ It's said in a manner that suggests it's simply because he says so. ]

[dust_of_life]

[There are stormclouds behind Sam's eyes. She doesn't have to see them to know what's happening. She's gotten used to his pensive face, the way his mind is always in some kind of thunderstorm, except for a moment or two every once in awhile when they're in the middle of lovemaking.

The one thing she can't really do is understand what's going on inside of those tempests of thought. She wishes she could read minds, especially his. Or, at least, grasp a wisp of thought.

It would be easier than guessing. Mostly because she always guesses the worst thing possible. That's how the world works. Her world, anyway. Probably his too, based on what she's heard. Worst case scenarios are usually inevitable.]

No. It's not. Because I'm going to make it easier for you.

[runsaway]

[ That's enough to get an amused huff from him. Sam leans forward, resting his forehead on the back of her shoulder as his hand stills on her stomach. ]

It's a nice thought, Fatima, but you can't make Dean easier. He's...got to accept some things. That you probably shouldn't be there for.

[ Lest he lash out, Sam would much rather be the target. ]

[dust_of_life]

I'm not talking about changing Dean.

[Even if she could, she wouldn't go down that road. It's a thing she has about Cainites screwing with people's free will. Heavy baggage, but not relevant at the moment.]

I'm talking about trying to make some choices easier for you.

[She slides her hand over his, her fingers falling in between his, neatly.]

There's this thing that a lot of people don't like to talk about. About how this place is torturing us. Testing us. It's brilliant, really.

[All of that effort and foresight and intelligence wasted on such a horrible pursuit is tragic, but it's reality. No sense in crying over it.]

When we were down in the labyrinth, I tried to follow Dean because I knew you'd be looking for him.

Let me be clear on something: When things get bad, I expect you to go for Dean first. I want you to go for Dean first. Not me. Him. And if the two of us are ever being thrown off a cliff and you can only save one of us, you choose him.

[runsaway]

Fatima, stop--

[ He doesn't like this at all. Making these decisions easier for him by telling him what to do? No. That is a line of thought that has never sat well with Sam. It's why he and his father disagreed so often and it hasn't changed. ]

Every situation is different, okay? I know his strengths and weaknesses. I know what he can handle. [ Sometimes better than Dean himself, it feels like. ] And we have others, like Cas, just--don't. Okay?

[ He almost feels the need to prove her wrong, to show he can have it all if he wants. But something more sobering comes to mind. ]

You're wrong, you know. About the labyrinth.

[dust_of_life]

[To her credit, she does stop. It probably wasn't the most delicate phrasing she could have used, but she figured it would just be easier to get it all out.

Evidently not.

She rolls over beneath him, turning into her back so that she can face him properly, her bra getting a little tangled in the process. One hand touches his face.]

It's not about what Dean can handle. It's about what we both know he can't handle.

[And what Sam can't handle, for that matter. Which is losing the brother he loves. But far be it for her to point that out.]

And what do you mean I'm wrong? I'm never wrong. I'm just that awesome.

[It's a thin attempt at humor, but she wants it to be clear to Sam that she's not looking for some kind of knight errant here.]

[runsaway]

[ Dean can't handle a lot, he knows. He knows that things really come down to Sam--perhaps subconsciously. But he doesn't like to think about it. He shakes his head, leaning slightly in to the touch of her hand. ]

I didn't look for Dean.

[dust_of_life]

You weren't yourself.

[His words, exactly. Although, for the life of her, she has no idea what the hell that means.]

We both know that if it were in your control, you would have.

Gorgeous, I've seen the man come and go four times. I get what he means to you. Believe me.

[runsaway]

[ He shakes his head again, but this time he pulls away. What she's asking from him, he can't promise it. He can't promise anything to her or Dean for several reasons. The only thing he can say is that he'll do everything in his power to save them both if it comes down to it.

But no matter what she says, he's not going to just complacently agree who to put value on. Is Dean the one he always goes back to, would do anything for? Yes. Even with all his character defects. But she can't devalue herself either. And they both know Sam would much prefer to sacrifice himself than have to see either of them hurt.

He lets go, shifting onto his own back on the tight space beside her and runs his hands up and down his face. ]

[dust_of_life]

[She turns onto her side, hooking her bra behind her back before leaning on her elbow.]

I did that thing again, didn't I? That thing where I tried to make things better and I just pissed you off.

[runsaway]

[ Sam drops his hands to his sides and stares up at the bunk above them. ]

You didn't piss me off.

[ It's pretty clear when Sam is upset. It takes a long time for that fire to burn, but once it does, Sam is a lightening storm. Right now? Frustrated is probably closer. ]

I just can't promise you what you want me to.