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[runsaway]

❝ It's Sam. Leave me a message. ❞

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[runsaway]

[ He did, didn't he? Except...it's still hard, and her own aside didn't really give him the time he needed to think of something. He's quiet for a moment, clearly attempting to pull up something worthwhile, but in typical Sam Winchester fashion, not terribly personal. ]

I wrote a paper about my brother, dad, and I going out on a hunt. For school.

[ He didn't tell Dean or John. They would've been pissed, but Sam knew no one would take it seriously. ]

[dust_of_life]

[Well. That's Masquerade breachy...

Parvana, Arty, or Liam would all have had Fatima's hide if she tried to do something like that.

She raises an eyebrow.]

How old were you?

[runsaway]

Fourteen.

[ He wrinkles his nose a bit. ]

Didn't tell anyone for obvious reasons...and I was pretty sure my teacher was gonna fail me. [ A beat. ] He gave me an A.

[ That teacher had a huge impact on him, too. The first person to really tell him that it was okay to go after what you want, that you have the option of going against your family's wishes. ]

[dust_of_life]

[Absently, she kisses his upper arm. Thoughts swirl around her mind. She wonders why the teacher was just okay with that. And why Sam chose to do it. And why this was the secret he chose to tell.]

If anyone had done that at my school, it would have been a one-way ticket to the guidance counselor.

It did happen, sometimes. Some of the other kids on the compound just...cracked.

[runsaway]

[ There's a short smile at that. Yeah, he had been pretty sure that would've been the outcome, too. But it wasn't. Strangely, it wasn't. And while Mr. Wyatt hadn't taken it as a literal depiction of the requested family moment, he saw the underlying meaning behind it, which is something Sam felt like no one had cared to see before.

He'd tried to do anything but the family business. It didn't quite work out that way, but that man? He appreciated him. He still does. ]

Can't blame them. It's not always easy trying to blend in.

[dust_of_life]

[She continues to trail soft kisses along his shoulder for a moment.]

Why'd you do it? You must have known what could happen.

[Even in a world without a Masquerade... Sam's damn smart.]

[runsaway]

[ Why did he do it? It's a fair question. ]

I was tired. And angry.

[ As was he was most of his childhood. ]

We never spent more than a month in one place--there was no time to get to know anyone, to make friends, to really have what you do matter. I didn't think anyone would believe me, anyway.

[dust_of_life]

That's...

[There aren't words to describe it. Awful just doesn't seem like an adjective powerful enough. As much as Fatima's childhood was not of the norm, at least she had a home. And friends. A sense of community.

No. She can't find the right word for it. But...]

That tells me something important about you.

[runsaway]

[ He frowns slightly at that, looking at her across the line of his shoulder. ]

What?

[dust_of_life]

That you're strong, I guess. I mean, I already knew that you were pretty wonderful but...

[To be wonderful after that kind of adversity? It's astonishing.]

There aren't hunters like you, where I come from. Most of them are...I don't know. Not really human. But you are all the best things about humans.

[runsaway]

[ His eyes narrow a bit further--not judging, just...confused. ]

I don't know about that.

[ At school he really didn't feel like a human. He felt like something that shouldn't exist. ]

[dust_of_life]

Sam...forgive me for bringing this back into our pillowtalk but...

I mean...

You could have ended up like...Dean.

[runsaway]

Dean--

[ Perhaps not the best subject, but the mood has already changed, hasn't it? ]

--isn't...the same Dean I knew. Or you knew. What he went through--

[ Isn't something anyone should have to. And something Sam takes responsibility for. It was his actions, after all. It was always him. ]

[dust_of_life]

I just mean...

[Why are words so hard? And why is she so good at saying the wrong ones at the worst possible moment?]

You know about the things that go bump in the night. You're wise. But you're still...kind. Nice. Decent.

[runsaway]

[ She's giving him way too much credit. His smile is a little sad, because--because he wishes he didn't. He always coveted the ignorance of those sorts of things, always wished he could switch places. Now he knows he can't, he won't because he doesn't want to put this on anyone else, but he doesn't think that makes him a good person.

He wants to be a good person. He's not sure if he is. ]

I'd hate to see the hunters you've run into.

[dust_of_life]

[She settles her head on his shoulder, looking up at him from under half-lidded eyes.]

Sometimes, it's hard to tell the monster hunters from the monsters they hunt. They get twisted. Sometimes by revenge. Sometimes just by seeing too much to ever be wide-eyed again. They stop seeing the difference between a vampire who murders babies and bathes in the blood of virgins and a vampire who donates to Oprah and participates in relief efforts after Hurricane Katrina.

Or between vampires and people like me.

[runsaway]

[ He reaches over to grab hold one of her hands, rubbing her palm with his thumb. ]

...Do you donate to Oprah?

[dust_of_life]

[Okay, that one is unexpected. And she lets out a soft guffaw at it.]

Sam, I may be a dhampir princess, but that doesn't mean I have actual money.

[runsaway]

Princess?

[ That's a detail she's either forgot to mention or a term she's using liberally. ]

Now I definitely know you're out of my league.

[dust_of_life]

[Oh, she's definitely being liberal with it. Although, in all fairness, there aren't any other dhampir family lines. Some ghoul bloodlines, sure. But dhampir? It's just the Merali girls. The miraculous Merali girls.

A line that's going to dead-end, most likely, with Fatima.

Mixed feelings there.]

Didn't know you were banging royalty, huh?

[A pause.]

Was that an appropriate use of the verb "bang?" Do people still use that?

[runsaway]

[ They could go for round three and find out. Sam gives a huff, then brings her hand up to his lips to kiss her knuckles. ]

is that what we're doing?

[dust_of_life]

[There's some connotation there that she's missing.]

You tell me.

[runsaway]

I don't think so.

[ He's never been the kind of guy who just hooks up. Has he? Yes, but Sam much prefers everything else that comes with being in a relationship with someone. He likes feeling connected, close. You don't get that from a stranger. ]

[dust_of_life]

Okay.

[She plays it smooth and easy, although she has no idea what the fuck is going on or how she messed up.

Words. Hard. So hard.]

So what are we doing?

[runsaway]

[ His mind wanders back to her earlier slip--and a slip is exactly what it was. There's no sense in bringing that up again, right? That would be the definition of awkward. Sam sobers a bit, taking a moment to kiss her knuckles again, along the back of her hand. ]

Maybe something we shouldn't. But you're my girlfriend and...I like being able to say that.