[ he's tried to resist this, but ever since dean learned of lucifer's mingling with sam, the mere thought of it -- of sam lying, telling him he's okay and that he won't say yes -- sets his blood on fire with fury he hasn't felt since before disappearing.
he tries to not give into it because it might ruin the plans he and his other self have, but.
[ It's been a very strange week, full of good things and quite a few not so good things...but a message like this, coming from that Dean can only fall into the latter category. ]
[ you don't get an answer after that. no, dean makes his way there, a relatively short distance before he's at sam's door. he could, you know, knock like a decent person, but dean's anything but decent and he has no patience for knocking.
not today.
today he kicks in sam's door.
and after that, he zones in on sam with not a moment wasted, anger written into the twisted snarl on his face. steps are taken as he starts closing the distance with his hands curled into fists, all sam gets is a hissed out; ]
He'd been sitting on his bed, but he immediately gets up when the door flies open, cracks forming along the door frame. Sam holds is hands up, palms out as he backs away from his brother, eyes wide with surprise. The anger rolling off of Dean is almost palpable. ]
[ sam played him. played him with the talk about hope and how they can do this, how he needs dean, with the hug and the everything. instead he's been meeting with lucifer, talking to him about who even knows what, and dean hadn't known shit.
christ, he'd been fucking stupid. blinded by the pure need to believe sam, that maybe finally, for once, things could start heading off in a better direction.
but no.
dean's grabbing sam by the front of his shirt seconds later, hauling him closer and then shoving him against the hard surface of the wall without a hint of consideration for how hard he does it. ]
You know exactly what's wrong. How stupid did you think I was?
[ It's like a whirlwind and Sam is completely blown away. It comes out of no where, at least to him, and the shocked look on his face changes only when he doesn't bother fighting back. At least not right away. His back hits the wall and he gives a pained grimace, but he's doing his best, his damnedest to keep his cool. His relationship with this Dean is improving, or at least he thought, but it's rocky at best. ]
[ dean lets up only to slam him right back as sam claims to not understand, unintentionally fueling dean's rage. ]
Don't wanna come clean, huh? S'alright, Sammy, I can shake the truth out of you.
[ shake, beat, whatever it takes, dean'll do it until he has the truth from the one person he's supposed to be able to trust no matter what. and god does knowing otherwise hurt.
but he doesn't let it stay his words.... or his fist, which comes slamming to the side of sam's head right as he lets go of his brother. ]
[ It shouldn't surprise him as much as it does, but the second that Dean's fist knocks his head to the side, Sam is done trying to be the calm one. The side of his face aches as he stands back up, but this time his arms are out defensively. He's not going to let Dean land another hit.
They're clearly back to square one. What trust Sam had placed in Dean is quickly eroding away, written on his face in the way he regards his brother with the same anxiety he had when Dean visited him at his grave.
The one Dean put him in. ]
What the hell is your problem?! Did you come to talk, or are you just looking for a new punching bag?
[ dean doesn't pause for so much as a breath, rounding on sam. his anger can be blinding, all-consuming and right now it's threatening to erase sam from before his very eyes, to replace him with some kind of enemy, something working with the devil and only wearing his brother's face. ]
What the hell is my problem? What's yours? You're the one meeting with Lucifer while acting all innocent--
[ It's like getting doused in cold water. A chill of understanding shoots down his spine and Sam's face turns a bit white. The one thing--...not even one, but definitely the one he wanted to stay most secret. How Dean found out, how this Dean over everyone else, Sam doesn't know and he doesn't like it.
This is exactly why he didn't want to talk about it. To anyone.
Sam quickly raises an arm to block the punch, letting it take the brunt force rather than his skull. ]
[ a snarl as he launches right into another punch, this one more of an uppercut to break through the defense. whether it works or not doesn't matter much, as he's throwing his weight into a hard shove right after it. ]
Shut the fuck up, you fucking liar-- [ he trusted you. ] Making me believe all that shit you said when all this time you must've been havin' one grand laugh over it.
[ It hurts having all that thrown back it him, all that he honestly believes. He wants Dean around, he wants to trust him and be trusted. He wants that more than anything. And it's all crumbling down because he knew he couldn't trust Dean with this.
Because this is how he'd react no matter what the reason. ]
Just let me explain--! [ Dean does knock Sam's arm out of the way, but Sam quickly comes up with his other to block the next swing. If there's something, there is a familiar motion in Dean's punches, though they're rough and pointed as if it were anyone but Sam he was trying to pummel into the ground. ]
--I wasn't lying! Dean, please. [ He's begging with his voice and his eyes, but the rest of him is still ready to spring. ] He tortures and kills people because he's bored. I didn't want to talk to him and he broke some random guy's legs--
[ that sliver of hope which had finally grown when sam had hugged him is dead. gone the moment lucifer spilled the beans of his meetings with sam. it hurts so much more than he wants to ever admit. ]
Yet you still fucking failed to tell me about it? Did it just freakin' slip your mind?
[ he wants to hurt sam, to bleed the pain he feels twisting up his insides, the bitter something close to betrayal, but he fights it--
[ Sam really can't deny the fact that his omission of information wasn't intentional. It was. He didn't want anyone to know, especially Dean, either Dean. It was safest that way, or so he thought. He should have guessed that it would eventually blow up in his face, but...Sam hoped.
And he hoped more because Lucifer seemed to be questioning things that he hadn't considered in millennia of years. That there might be a way to end this before it starts. ]
What, so you can come flying at the devil like you're doing right now? You'd be killed, Dean! [ He shakes his head. ] I don't care if people come back. You dying here wouldn't do anything. I don't want that.
I don't care. I fuckin' don't care, Sam-- but what I do care about? Your safety, you staying away from him which is exactly the opposite of what you've been doing all this time.
And to hear it from him, instead of you.
[ at least he's not trying to punch you anymore, instead his voice is setting itself into that quiet, toneless hiss. the weight of the situation slowly settling over his shoulders... ]
What did you think was going to happen? Were you just gonna be his bitch for the rest of our stay here?
Sam isn't sure what's worse; the fact that Dean had to learn it from the one creature they're trying to defeat or the fact that Sam honestly feels betrayed by something that he shouldn't have trust in at all. Sam swallows, still tense and not willing to test whether or not Dean feels like throwing more punches. ]
It's not like that-- [ He shakes his head, taking a step away from his brother. ] --I told him, I still tell him I'm not gonna say "yes". And I'm not. I promise.
[ the dismissal in his voice is definite. he doesn't trust sam, not one bit to not say yes. ]
I've heard that before.
[ and his brother had ended up saying yes, becoming lucifer's vessel, and been burned out just like that. dead in seconds, with dean left to hunt the monster down. ]
[ Of course he doesn't. And Sam can't blame him. It doesn't look good, which was a major reason for not saying anything. He locks his jaw, but doesn't take his eyes off Dean.
Did Dean ever believe him? ]
You want me to come clean?
[ He swallows, holding his arms out to each side; an open invitation for Dean to come at him if he wants. ]
[ that prompts a familiar smirk, lacking in all warmth and amusement. ]
Gonna feed me some new lie about hope and how this is a chance at something different? Fucking spare me, Sam. I don't care.
[ he's tempted to throw another punch or five, so tempted, but instead his fists remain at his sides, squeezing knuckle white. ]
And then run to him? What does he say, anyway? Something about not being so bad-- about how he's not the fuckin' monster that stole everything, who destroys lives left and right?
Edited (write/right same thing ok) 2014-01-19 23:52 (UTC)
[ Sam frowns. The worst part is not that Dean found out, but that everything Sam has said and will say will automatically be negated, no matter how true and heartfelt it was. Or still is. ]
...You know what? When I arrived here, I wasn't looking for the devil, Dean; I was looking for you. And dad. Because you two were the last things I saw before we got side-swiped by a semi.
[ He exhales sharply through his nose as he drops his hands to his sides. ]
I've listened to you tell me I'm the devil, I've heard Cas tell me how bleak your world is--I've heard Lucifer try and tell me that we understand each other. All this--this shit happens in my future. Everyone keeps telling me that's just what happens. People I don't even know tell me that they died because of me?
[ He shakes his head, his brows drawing together tightly as his mouth twitches. The tension in his shoulders straightens them hard. ]
I hate it. I hate listening to it all but I need to hear it. Because it sucks, because it's awful, because it's everything I don't want to happen. They're not lies, Dean. If--if I don't think I can change a damn thing about what's going to happen, about my future? Then what's the point of getting up in the morning? What's the point of going on at all?
Going behind everyone's back with the one thing that's the core of everything evil doesn't exactly inspire trust, Sam.
[ can't you see the fault in that. ]
What're you gonna do when he tells you he can make everything okay, make everyone happy and safe if you just say yes? Are you gonna do it then? It's only a matter of time before he traps you somehow-- just like he did before.
[ and then he'll lose you all over again. it's something he can barely let himself think about-- a fact that would destroy him and everyone else all over again. but most importantly, it would destroy sam. and he can't let that happen again, just can't.
he makes a sound somewhere between pain and frustration, like keeping himself from hitting sam is becoming too difficult again. ]
I've been such a fuckin' moron, thinkin' you're strong enough to stay away from him.
I know that. I know. But would you've reacted any differently if I told you?
[ Sam's heart tells him "no". Which is a big part of why he didn't share in the first place. The guilty conscience knew he'd get in trouble, knew Dean and everyone else would disapprove no matter what, and he didn't want that. Selfishly, he thought he could do it all on his own. ]
Don't you get it? I know they're lies. Nothing he can say or do will make me want to create a future like the one you're from, Dean.
[ He won't admit to the vain hope that Sam has that he's actually getting through to the devil. That would be one step too far for this Dean, for any Dean. Reasoning with Lucifer? Who does that? Sam didn't even think it was possible until Lucifer admitted to spending time pondering Sam's question of God's motivations. Asking Michael? It honestly bothered him enough to do it. To Sam, that says a lot.
Which is why he says nothing. ]
We have a deal; three questions and I get to name whoever I want and he doesn't get to lay a hand on them.
[ He omits the drunken promise he made about assuring to see Lucifer on a regular basis. ]
[ sorry sam all you say gets swept off the table at that one single word; deal. ]
You have a fucking deal with the devil? Sam-- what the fuck is wrong with you?!
[ he's going right for the lapels of his brother's jacket again, yanking and shaking him as much as he can, like he wants to throw the very thought from sam's head. it's all like before, just some alternate, twisted version but to him, sam is going down the same path, listening to lucifer's sweet words of whatever, making deals with him, making fucking deals with him-- ]
To think you trust him not to do that-- he's the fucking devil, Sam, he's Lucifer.
[ there's no trusting him. not ever. ]
What happens when he says you either give him into him or he kills everybody? What then?
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text w12d6
he tries to not give into it because it might ruin the plans he and his other self have, but.
but.
there's only so much dean can take. ]
Where the fuck are you?
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Why? Is everything ok?
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Now.
[ guess who's coming for a visit. ]
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S201A
[ Now you have his room. This is how much he trusts you now, Dean! ]
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not today.
today he kicks in sam's door.
and after that, he zones in on sam with not a moment wasted, anger written into the twisted snarl on his face. steps are taken as he starts closing the distance with his hands curled into fists, all sam gets is a hissed out; ]
You son of a bitch--
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He'd been sitting on his bed, but he immediately gets up when the door flies open, cracks forming along the door frame. Sam holds is hands up, palms out as he backs away from his brother, eyes wide with surprise. The anger rolling off of Dean is almost palpable. ]
--Whoa, whoa. What the hell, Dean!? What's wrong?
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christ, he'd been fucking stupid. blinded by the pure need to believe sam, that maybe finally, for once, things could start heading off in a better direction.
but no.
dean's grabbing sam by the front of his shirt seconds later, hauling him closer and then shoving him against the hard surface of the wall without a hint of consideration for how hard he does it. ]
You know exactly what's wrong. How stupid did you think I was?
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Dean. I don't know what you're talking about.
[ Keep calm. Just breathe. ]
You have to help me out here.
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Don't wanna come clean, huh? S'alright, Sammy, I can shake the truth out of you.
[ shake, beat, whatever it takes, dean'll do it until he has the truth from the one person he's supposed to be able to trust no matter what. and god does knowing otherwise hurt.
but he doesn't let it stay his words.... or his fist, which comes slamming to the side of sam's head right as he lets go of his brother. ]
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They're clearly back to square one. What trust Sam had placed in Dean is quickly eroding away, written on his face in the way he regards his brother with the same anxiety he had when Dean visited him at his grave.
The one Dean put him in. ]
What the hell is your problem?! Did you come to talk, or are you just looking for a new punching bag?
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What the hell is my problem? What's yours? You're the one meeting with Lucifer while acting all innocent--
[ he's about to throw another punch, enjoy. ]
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This is exactly why he didn't want to talk about it. To anyone.
Sam quickly raises an arm to block the punch, letting it take the brunt force rather than his skull. ]
--Wait. It's not what you think--
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[ a snarl as he launches right into another punch, this one more of an uppercut to break through the defense. whether it works or not doesn't matter much, as he's throwing his weight into a hard shove right after it. ]
Shut the fuck up, you fucking liar-- [ he trusted you. ] Making me believe all that shit you said when all this time you must've been havin' one grand laugh over it.
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Because this is how he'd react no matter what the reason. ]
Just let me explain--! [ Dean does knock Sam's arm out of the way, but Sam quickly comes up with his other to block the next swing. If there's something, there is a familiar motion in Dean's punches, though they're rough and pointed as if it were anyone but Sam he was trying to pummel into the ground. ]
--I wasn't lying! Dean, please. [ He's begging with his voice and his eyes, but the rest of him is still ready to spring. ] He tortures and kills people because he's bored. I didn't want to talk to him and he broke some random guy's legs--
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Yet you still fucking failed to tell me about it? Did it just freakin' slip your mind?
[ he wants to hurt sam, to bleed the pain he feels twisting up his insides, the bitter something close to betrayal, but he fights it--
this is his brother, in the end.
and betrayal by sam is nothing new. ]
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And he hoped more because Lucifer seemed to be questioning things that he hadn't considered in millennia of years. That there might be a way to end this before it starts. ]
What, so you can come flying at the devil like you're doing right now? You'd be killed, Dean! [ He shakes his head. ] I don't care if people come back. You dying here wouldn't do anything. I don't want that.
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And to hear it from him, instead of you.
[ at least he's not trying to punch you anymore, instead his voice is setting itself into that quiet, toneless hiss. the weight of the situation slowly settling over his shoulders... ]
What did you think was going to happen? Were you just gonna be his bitch for the rest of our stay here?
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[ Lucifer told him?
Sam isn't sure what's worse; the fact that Dean had to learn it from the one creature they're trying to defeat or the fact that Sam honestly feels betrayed by something that he shouldn't have trust in at all. Sam swallows, still tense and not willing to test whether or not Dean feels like throwing more punches. ]
It's not like that-- [ He shakes his head, taking a step away from his brother. ] --I told him, I still tell him I'm not gonna say "yes". And I'm not. I promise.
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[ the dismissal in his voice is definite. he doesn't trust sam, not one bit to not say yes. ]
I've heard that before.
[ and his brother had ended up saying yes, becoming lucifer's vessel, and been burned out just like that. dead in seconds, with dean left to hunt the monster down. ]
I don't believe a word comin' outta your mouth.
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Did Dean ever believe him? ]
You want me to come clean?
[ He swallows, holding his arms out to each side; an open invitation for Dean to come at him if he wants. ]
I will. But you gotta listen to me.
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Gonna feed me some new lie about hope and how this is a chance at something different? Fucking spare me, Sam. I don't care.
[ he's tempted to throw another punch or five, so tempted, but instead his fists remain at his sides, squeezing knuckle white. ]
And then run to him? What does he say, anyway? Something about not being so bad-- about how he's not the fuckin' monster that stole everything, who destroys lives left and right?
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...You know what? When I arrived here, I wasn't looking for the devil, Dean; I was looking for you. And dad. Because you two were the last things I saw before we got side-swiped by a semi.
[ He exhales sharply through his nose as he drops his hands to his sides. ]
I've listened to you tell me I'm the devil, I've heard Cas tell me how bleak your world is--I've heard Lucifer try and tell me that we understand each other. All this--this shit happens in my future. Everyone keeps telling me that's just what happens. People I don't even know tell me that they died because of me?
[ He shakes his head, his brows drawing together tightly as his mouth twitches. The tension in his shoulders straightens them hard. ]
I hate it. I hate listening to it all but I need to hear it. Because it sucks, because it's awful, because it's everything I don't want to happen. They're not lies, Dean. If--if I don't think I can change a damn thing about what's going to happen, about my future? Then what's the point of getting up in the morning? What's the point of going on at all?
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[ can't you see the fault in that. ]
What're you gonna do when he tells you he can make everything okay, make everyone happy and safe if you just say yes? Are you gonna do it then? It's only a matter of time before he traps you somehow-- just like he did before.
[ and then he'll lose you all over again. it's something he can barely let himself think about-- a fact that would destroy him and everyone else all over again. but most importantly, it would destroy sam. and he can't let that happen again, just can't.
he makes a sound somewhere between pain and frustration, like keeping himself from hitting sam is becoming too difficult again. ]
I've been such a fuckin' moron, thinkin' you're strong enough to stay away from him.
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[ Sam's heart tells him "no". Which is a big part of why he didn't share in the first place. The guilty conscience knew he'd get in trouble, knew Dean and everyone else would disapprove no matter what, and he didn't want that. Selfishly, he thought he could do it all on his own. ]
Don't you get it? I know they're lies. Nothing he can say or do will make me want to create a future like the one you're from, Dean.
[ He won't admit to the vain hope that Sam has that he's actually getting through to the devil. That would be one step too far for this Dean, for any Dean. Reasoning with Lucifer? Who does that? Sam didn't even think it was possible until Lucifer admitted to spending time pondering Sam's question of God's motivations. Asking Michael? It honestly bothered him enough to do it. To Sam, that says a lot.
Which is why he says nothing. ]
We have a deal; three questions and I get to name whoever I want and he doesn't get to lay a hand on them.
[ He omits the drunken promise he made about assuring to see Lucifer on a regular basis. ]
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You have a fucking deal with the devil? Sam-- what the fuck is wrong with you?!
[ he's going right for the lapels of his brother's jacket again, yanking and shaking him as much as he can, like he wants to throw the very thought from sam's head. it's all like before, just some alternate, twisted version but to him, sam is going down the same path, listening to lucifer's sweet words of whatever, making deals with him, making fucking deals with him-- ]
To think you trust him not to do that-- he's the fucking devil, Sam, he's Lucifer.
[ there's no trusting him. not ever. ]
What happens when he says you either give him into him or he kills everybody? What then?
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