[ Betrayal? He actually uses that word. If anything, it reminds Sam that Lucifer had the idea in his head that they were on some level of understanding. But when he thinks about it, well, weren't they? Sam would never, will never consider the archangel an ally, but to say that over the months he hadn't come to see Lucifer in a light at least slightly different than he imagined would be a lie. An embarrassing, horrible lie.
So Sam is quiet, thoughtful as he tends to be. Some of the fear on his face fades as he studies the vessel that Lucifer inhabits. He doesn't want to be friends, he doesn't want to chitchat. But he does want to save people, and if Lucifer is feeling hurt, well...he'd seen what happened when he was bored. Sam doesn't want to know what else he might do to ebb the pain. ]
No.
[ The conviction behind his words surprises even Sam, but he can't do it all like this over again. He simply refuses to. Too much went wrong last time because of the way he wanted to handle things. People he cared about stopped trusting him too. ]
I can't do this anymore. I won't.
[ He motions between them and takes a few steps off to the side, trying to put a respectable distance to help aid his confidence. ]
I'm tired of sneaking around and--and look... [ He inhales through his nose, his frown turning to something a little less angry and a little more, well, he would never say it was sympathetic, but Sam hadn't meant to orchestrate a slaughter. He'd meant to save everyone. That didn't happen. Not even close. If anything? He'd made it worse. He knows that. ] ...I spent that entire week after we died turning into something I can't be. I won't. If that's the only option left, then just kill me now. I don't care how many times.
[ He puts his hand to his chest, right over the spot where Dean's bullet wedged itself. ]
My brother-- [ He doesn't need to say Dean's name, because it's not the who, it's the what. Family. ] --shot me. Didn't think twice. And I died.
[ Way back in the beginning. It had destroyed their relationship for quite a while. But it's an attempt to acknowledge that he realizes the implications of what happened. Please don't take it out on everyone else, Lucifer. ]
no subject
So Sam is quiet, thoughtful as he tends to be. Some of the fear on his face fades as he studies the vessel that Lucifer inhabits. He doesn't want to be friends, he doesn't want to chitchat. But he does want to save people, and if Lucifer is feeling hurt, well...he'd seen what happened when he was bored. Sam doesn't want to know what else he might do to ebb the pain. ]
No.
[ The conviction behind his words surprises even Sam, but he can't do it all like this over again. He simply refuses to. Too much went wrong last time because of the way he wanted to handle things. People he cared about stopped trusting him too. ]
I can't do this anymore. I won't.
[ He motions between them and takes a few steps off to the side, trying to put a respectable distance to help aid his confidence. ]
I'm tired of sneaking around and--and look... [ He inhales through his nose, his frown turning to something a little less angry and a little more, well, he would never say it was sympathetic, but Sam hadn't meant to orchestrate a slaughter. He'd meant to save everyone. That didn't happen. Not even close. If anything? He'd made it worse. He knows that. ] ...I spent that entire week after we died turning into something I can't be. I won't. If that's the only option left, then just kill me now. I don't care how many times.
[ He puts his hand to his chest, right over the spot where Dean's bullet wedged itself. ]
My brother-- [ He doesn't need to say Dean's name, because it's not the who, it's the what. Family. ] --shot me. Didn't think twice. And I died.
[ Way back in the beginning. It had destroyed their relationship for quite a while. But it's an attempt to acknowledge that he realizes the implications of what happened. Please don't take it out on everyone else, Lucifer. ]