[ The proximity is discomforting, but it's hardly the most threatening thing Lucifer has done to him in the last five minutes. Sam could call bullshit if he wanted, Lucifer had just hurt him, after all, but he doesn't. He likes to try and choose his words carefully if he can, and now that the blood flow has returned to his brain after being cut off from oxygen, Sam's mind starts flying through the different possibilities.
Should he admit to guilt? Could he? He doesn't want to give Lucifer the idea that Sam is ever planning on consenting, on giving in. His own brows furrow together. ]
I didn't--
[ He exhales harshly through his nose and straightens his back, knowing that he's going to have a visible bruise around his neck that won't be fun to explain. ]
--...I didn't think it'd go like that.
[ If Michael had defeated Lucifer once and for all? It would be another story. True, it would mean that Sam would be gone as well, but that really isn't the important factor. Sam had, perhaps foolishly, though some sense of familial love, brotherly obligation would keep them from destroying each other since Lucifer seemed so intent on not wanting to fight Michael. Dean gets angry with Sam, threatens him, but the final act?
Sam drops his arms to his sides. ]
No...I'm not. I'm not--I'm not anything. I don't want to be.
[ He doesn't want to be a monster. He doesn't want to be the cause of so many problems. He just wants to be normal, but he knows that's not even worth aiming for anymore. He feels he knows what it's like to spiral, to feel the rush of power and to come off the high with the harsh reality. He can't go through that again. ]
no subject
Should he admit to guilt? Could he? He doesn't want to give Lucifer the idea that Sam is ever planning on consenting, on giving in. His own brows furrow together. ]
I didn't--
[ He exhales harshly through his nose and straightens his back, knowing that he's going to have a visible bruise around his neck that won't be fun to explain. ]
--...I didn't think it'd go like that.
[ If Michael had defeated Lucifer once and for all? It would be another story. True, it would mean that Sam would be gone as well, but that really isn't the important factor. Sam had, perhaps foolishly, though some sense of familial love, brotherly obligation would keep them from destroying each other since Lucifer seemed so intent on not wanting to fight Michael. Dean gets angry with Sam, threatens him, but the final act?
Sam drops his arms to his sides. ]
No...I'm not. I'm not--I'm not anything. I don't want to be.
[ He doesn't want to be a monster. He doesn't want to be the cause of so many problems. He just wants to be normal, but he knows that's not even worth aiming for anymore. He feels he knows what it's like to spiral, to feel the rush of power and to come off the high with the harsh reality. He can't go through that again. ]